Umm.. yeah.
Hallo all,
Long time no see, talk, whatever. Well, school's started and i guess it's alright, except i can already feel the loads of work i'm possibly gonna get. oh my dog i still have to write something on the first act of "the imprtance of being earnest"- a rather dumb play by some guy who homosexually harrassed someone or something. In the 14th century- I can't remember if that was of this guy, about hitler, something to do with rockets or i'd just made it up; the first week was pretty weird. yeah, well, anyway.
You know for english, we have to do some anthology or something that'll take a term to complete. Yeah, well, that means it HAS to be good, doesn't it? well, i've decided to start on it, get it out of the way and if my computer bungs up again, I won't be TOO stressed out. So anyway, for those who are interested in what my topic is, it's: the journey through abuse, or something. damn this "journeys" thing. i mean, everyone's just gonna have their own topic anyway, so why not just cut out the whole "journey" bit of it? That doesn't make it any easier to choose, you know. Well, the way i picked was to find the nicest looking biography and base it around that :P Well the guy was abused or something, so i guess i'll just do it on like abusive behaviour or something, like domestic and stuff. who knows. Well, here's a story i wrote in 3 hours- i'm just guessing coz it's 5 now and i've been eating and doing other homework and stuff in between. which reminds me, did anyone see that ant documentary just before? it was pretty good. so good, that i just had to watch the whole thing. you know, we got this booklet to "think about our goals" and how we do our homework or something and one of the questions was: do you take credit if you suceed. and my friend answered "yeah. i reward myself when i do my homework" there are two things wrong with that. 1. what are you "suceeding" in when you do your homework. and 2, that wasn't even what the question asked. ^.- yah, well anyway.
Oh yeah, that story, right? well, keep in mind i just wrotre it and you will be the first people to read it, well, apart from me. [[please read]] So I hope you enjoy:
He struck her once, twice, with the closest utensil; a ladle that lay on the cooking bench. His composed, proud stance never changed and one could be mistaken into thinking nothing had changed and all was normal. But there was something wrong.
She walked from the rice fields, bare feet slapping on the dirt track with her shoulders slouched. She had worked at her parent's rice fields for seven of her thirteen years. She was tired, as always, but she knew when she got home she would have to cook dinner for her family and do a hundred smaller chores. Since her mother had died during a miscarriage three years ago, all the responsibility of her four younger brothers and sisters sat on her shoulders. Her father spent his days at the market trying to sell what little rice they obtained from the dried up fields. It had been an awful hot season and few crops had survived the heat.
She picked herself off the ground when she was sure he had left, wiped her tears with the back of her worn sleeve. She was accustomed to these outbursts of rage from her father; ever since her mother had passed away he was convinced he had done something truly evil in his past life to deserve this. She sighed and turned back to the pot of porridge she was cooking for dinner. Why must he pick on her, she wondered to herself. She thought it was always good to get a good beating to know one’s place if one had stepped out of place, but she had done nothing wrong. She pushed it to the back of her mind and blamed it on the probable low price of rice.
When she crossed the bridge over the riverbank on the way home, she saw a group of boys in the distance. As she got closer, they turned to her, so she quickened her pace to avoid their taunts and sneers. As she walked past, one of the bigger boys, perhaps a year or two older than her blocked her path. Another came from behind with a stick and smashed it on the back of her legs. She heard the stick splinter and the pain was excruciating, but she only had one thought, and that was to get to the meagre safety of her home. Cruelty from a loved one is more understandable than from a complete stranger. While on her knees, a boy came from behind and tied her to a tree with a long piece of course rope. The boys took it in turns to do whatever they pleased to the girl; violent, sexual or both.
She finished cooking and gathered the family around the creaky, termite eaten table for their second-rate meal. The stony silence was usual; no one had much to say anymore and the young ones were indifferent to the monotonous meal of rice. They were on such a tight budget these days that soy sauce was as far as their father dare venture. When they had finished their food, she collected their bowls and took them down to the river with her youngest brother to wash. They walked the familiar path in silence, each with their own thoughts. All the children were uneducated, with school being a distant unnecessary dream that would do no good to them in life, but she still thought the young ones should not have to work so hard in the fields everyday.
She went to sleep on the thin mat in the same room as her siblings. She heard her youngest brother whimpering in his sleep about how he missed his mummy. She rolled over and tried to block it out and get some sleep before another day’s hard work. Then she heard something she was not used to at all. The sound came from under the hut. She froze and tried to hear what it was, but her brother was making too much sound to make out anything from under the hut. The noises got louder and louder until she need not strain to hear it. It sounded as if her father was fighting with someone. She got up quietly and saw her second brother, only a year younger, had also heard the noises. They both crept out of the room, making sure they did not wake the younger children. The tip toed down the corridor and looked over the edge of the balcony of the hut and strained their eyes through the dark to try and see what was happening under the house.
When the boys had finished with her, they left her tied to the tree and went in the direction of town. She struggled to free herself and finally, ripped skin and all, got free of the restraints and ran home sobbing. Her home was only two kilometres away, but she was numbed with shock and terror. She did not notice how much blood she had lost on the way until she collapsed unconscious a few metres from her home.
There were four silhouettes in the darkness under the hut; one was being held by two larger silhouettes and another a little way off regarding the three with its arms crossed. The three tangled together was a mass of writhing shadows, but it all stopped when the lone silhouette barked a command unknown to the brother and sister watching. There was a heavy silence that hurt to be in, with the tension becoming increasingly harder to bear. Then the single shadow spoke, a voice surprisingly powerful, "I have warned you three times already to pack up and leave and we will not hurt you or your family. I advise you negotiate now or prepare yourself for a death so close you could taste it, loathe it, love it. You will be working from dawn until midnight, sleep with the animals and have half a meal a day. Not much different to now." It looked around and felt the stilts that held the hut up and hit it hard, making the whole hut shudder violently.
She woke to find five faces staring at her. She sat up and the world swam around her, but she shook her head a couple of times and it levelled out enough to see that she was still a few metres from her home and it looked as if not much had changed since she had collapsed. Her father told her brothers and sisters to go into the hut and do their chores; clean up, get water... Her father leaned close to her and laid his hand on her shoulder, got up and walked away. She was puzzled. Was that his way of expressing his affection?
The shadow brought his hand back and punched the middle silhouette in the stomach. It let out a loud exhale of air and doubled over in obvious pain. Suddenly its head snapped up and it spat into the single shadow’s face. Immediately, the two outer silhouettes tightened their grips and dragged the middle one away. All four went further into shadows out of the brother and sister’s view. They heard a struggle and a sudden gurgling sound, as if someone had put their head under water. They looked at each other in fear and strained their eyes harder into the thick darkness, but could not make anything out of the black. Then the sister saw something shift close by. It was a red band on a bare arm with rippling muscles. She grabbed her brother and retreated back into the hut and woke her younger siblings and whispered direct instructions. They were to pack all their belongings, only the basics, and run into the nearby forests that they had always been banned from entering. She went back out onto the balcony to check where the red banded shadow had gone. When she heard and saw nothing of the shadows, she waved her siblings to escape through the back window. When her last brother had disappeared, she took one last look backwards and caught sight of the arm banded shadow. A mere arms length away. And it looked straight at her.
[[1369words]]
yaha, that's it. please tell me what you think [[only if it's good :P if you thought it was crap, than good for you, but say it's good anyway:D]] And you know my friend that rewarded herself when she did her work or whatever, she's like really really super smart, so i rewarded myself after that ^. with spider solitaire :P actually, that a change of CD and some chocolate. And dyu know what i did today? I wore a beanie and ate an easter egg (that wasn't my reward). MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL!!
Kimo.
Long time no see, talk, whatever. Well, school's started and i guess it's alright, except i can already feel the loads of work i'm possibly gonna get. oh my dog i still have to write something on the first act of "the imprtance of being earnest"- a rather dumb play by some guy who homosexually harrassed someone or something. In the 14th century- I can't remember if that was of this guy, about hitler, something to do with rockets or i'd just made it up; the first week was pretty weird. yeah, well, anyway.
You know for english, we have to do some anthology or something that'll take a term to complete. Yeah, well, that means it HAS to be good, doesn't it? well, i've decided to start on it, get it out of the way and if my computer bungs up again, I won't be TOO stressed out. So anyway, for those who are interested in what my topic is, it's: the journey through abuse, or something. damn this "journeys" thing. i mean, everyone's just gonna have their own topic anyway, so why not just cut out the whole "journey" bit of it? That doesn't make it any easier to choose, you know. Well, the way i picked was to find the nicest looking biography and base it around that :P Well the guy was abused or something, so i guess i'll just do it on like abusive behaviour or something, like domestic and stuff. who knows. Well, here's a story i wrote in 3 hours- i'm just guessing coz it's 5 now and i've been eating and doing other homework and stuff in between. which reminds me, did anyone see that ant documentary just before? it was pretty good. so good, that i just had to watch the whole thing. you know, we got this booklet to "think about our goals" and how we do our homework or something and one of the questions was: do you take credit if you suceed. and my friend answered "yeah. i reward myself when i do my homework" there are two things wrong with that. 1. what are you "suceeding" in when you do your homework. and 2, that wasn't even what the question asked. ^.- yah, well anyway.
Oh yeah, that story, right? well, keep in mind i just wrotre it and you will be the first people to read it, well, apart from me. [[please read]] So I hope you enjoy:
He struck her once, twice, with the closest utensil; a ladle that lay on the cooking bench. His composed, proud stance never changed and one could be mistaken into thinking nothing had changed and all was normal. But there was something wrong.
She walked from the rice fields, bare feet slapping on the dirt track with her shoulders slouched. She had worked at her parent's rice fields for seven of her thirteen years. She was tired, as always, but she knew when she got home she would have to cook dinner for her family and do a hundred smaller chores. Since her mother had died during a miscarriage three years ago, all the responsibility of her four younger brothers and sisters sat on her shoulders. Her father spent his days at the market trying to sell what little rice they obtained from the dried up fields. It had been an awful hot season and few crops had survived the heat.
She picked herself off the ground when she was sure he had left, wiped her tears with the back of her worn sleeve. She was accustomed to these outbursts of rage from her father; ever since her mother had passed away he was convinced he had done something truly evil in his past life to deserve this. She sighed and turned back to the pot of porridge she was cooking for dinner. Why must he pick on her, she wondered to herself. She thought it was always good to get a good beating to know one’s place if one had stepped out of place, but she had done nothing wrong. She pushed it to the back of her mind and blamed it on the probable low price of rice.
When she crossed the bridge over the riverbank on the way home, she saw a group of boys in the distance. As she got closer, they turned to her, so she quickened her pace to avoid their taunts and sneers. As she walked past, one of the bigger boys, perhaps a year or two older than her blocked her path. Another came from behind with a stick and smashed it on the back of her legs. She heard the stick splinter and the pain was excruciating, but she only had one thought, and that was to get to the meagre safety of her home. Cruelty from a loved one is more understandable than from a complete stranger. While on her knees, a boy came from behind and tied her to a tree with a long piece of course rope. The boys took it in turns to do whatever they pleased to the girl; violent, sexual or both.
She finished cooking and gathered the family around the creaky, termite eaten table for their second-rate meal. The stony silence was usual; no one had much to say anymore and the young ones were indifferent to the monotonous meal of rice. They were on such a tight budget these days that soy sauce was as far as their father dare venture. When they had finished their food, she collected their bowls and took them down to the river with her youngest brother to wash. They walked the familiar path in silence, each with their own thoughts. All the children were uneducated, with school being a distant unnecessary dream that would do no good to them in life, but she still thought the young ones should not have to work so hard in the fields everyday.
She went to sleep on the thin mat in the same room as her siblings. She heard her youngest brother whimpering in his sleep about how he missed his mummy. She rolled over and tried to block it out and get some sleep before another day’s hard work. Then she heard something she was not used to at all. The sound came from under the hut. She froze and tried to hear what it was, but her brother was making too much sound to make out anything from under the hut. The noises got louder and louder until she need not strain to hear it. It sounded as if her father was fighting with someone. She got up quietly and saw her second brother, only a year younger, had also heard the noises. They both crept out of the room, making sure they did not wake the younger children. The tip toed down the corridor and looked over the edge of the balcony of the hut and strained their eyes through the dark to try and see what was happening under the house.
When the boys had finished with her, they left her tied to the tree and went in the direction of town. She struggled to free herself and finally, ripped skin and all, got free of the restraints and ran home sobbing. Her home was only two kilometres away, but she was numbed with shock and terror. She did not notice how much blood she had lost on the way until she collapsed unconscious a few metres from her home.
There were four silhouettes in the darkness under the hut; one was being held by two larger silhouettes and another a little way off regarding the three with its arms crossed. The three tangled together was a mass of writhing shadows, but it all stopped when the lone silhouette barked a command unknown to the brother and sister watching. There was a heavy silence that hurt to be in, with the tension becoming increasingly harder to bear. Then the single shadow spoke, a voice surprisingly powerful, "I have warned you three times already to pack up and leave and we will not hurt you or your family. I advise you negotiate now or prepare yourself for a death so close you could taste it, loathe it, love it. You will be working from dawn until midnight, sleep with the animals and have half a meal a day. Not much different to now." It looked around and felt the stilts that held the hut up and hit it hard, making the whole hut shudder violently.
She woke to find five faces staring at her. She sat up and the world swam around her, but she shook her head a couple of times and it levelled out enough to see that she was still a few metres from her home and it looked as if not much had changed since she had collapsed. Her father told her brothers and sisters to go into the hut and do their chores; clean up, get water... Her father leaned close to her and laid his hand on her shoulder, got up and walked away. She was puzzled. Was that his way of expressing his affection?
The shadow brought his hand back and punched the middle silhouette in the stomach. It let out a loud exhale of air and doubled over in obvious pain. Suddenly its head snapped up and it spat into the single shadow’s face. Immediately, the two outer silhouettes tightened their grips and dragged the middle one away. All four went further into shadows out of the brother and sister’s view. They heard a struggle and a sudden gurgling sound, as if someone had put their head under water. They looked at each other in fear and strained their eyes harder into the thick darkness, but could not make anything out of the black. Then the sister saw something shift close by. It was a red band on a bare arm with rippling muscles. She grabbed her brother and retreated back into the hut and woke her younger siblings and whispered direct instructions. They were to pack all their belongings, only the basics, and run into the nearby forests that they had always been banned from entering. She went back out onto the balcony to check where the red banded shadow had gone. When she heard and saw nothing of the shadows, she waved her siblings to escape through the back window. When her last brother had disappeared, she took one last look backwards and caught sight of the arm banded shadow. A mere arms length away. And it looked straight at her.
[[1369words]]
yaha, that's it. please tell me what you think [[only if it's good :P if you thought it was crap, than good for you, but say it's good anyway:D]] And you know my friend that rewarded herself when she did her work or whatever, she's like really really super smart, so i rewarded myself after that ^. with spider solitaire :P actually, that a change of CD and some chocolate. And dyu know what i did today? I wore a beanie and ate an easter egg (that wasn't my reward). MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL!!
Kimo.
posted by Kimo @ 5:40 pm
3 Comments:
At 1:25 pm,
Lunatic said…
Intriguing bit of fiction.
A few parts of it were a bit vague, and it was unclear what was happening. The end of it was particularly disorienting. Im not sure if you made it that way to accentuate the confusion the main character was feeling or what, but that was the sense I got from it.
Your description and considerable attention to detail are impressive for someone your age. I know people in college who can't come up with stuff as respectable as some of the passages you wrote.
The girl's reaction to what was happening is a little odd, melodramatic even. But then she's been through a lot, so her behavior might be perfectly understandable in said position.
It had some technical errors but im sure your teacher can help you with that. Nothing blaring, of course.
The setting is a little vague but in such a short piece there's fairly little that can be done to fix that. I, too, have just started writing fiction and I can honestly say you avoided many of the pratfalls new writers come across.
Altogether I am very impressed and think that in time you will hone your obviously considerable skills into something quite magnificent.
I was a little unsure what exactly the point of this narrative was; it seemed like a quick snippet of the girl's life. The ending is abrupt, but then most short stories' are.
Good shit, mate.
Good shit.
At 5:35 pm,
Stevie Stays said…
ah hah. My comment may be a bit scrawny compared to his ^. And I'm not gonna give you any tips, coz, well I don't have any. But I will say, that was bloody good stuff! And I'm not just saying that. But, was it 2 stories in one? or am I seeing double?! I was gonna say you'd be assured an A, but this whole bloody thing is marked mainly on the preface, which is SO boring to write. And pointless. SO don't waste all your talent on the story, though you do have extreme amounts of it, so that may be a hard thing to do!
uhg, see ya at school. Is it too early to yearn for the Holidays?
Prianka
At 9:49 pm,
Kimo said…
fwoar. whaddup with this?!! 'tis all funky!! am i a "blogger" or "other"..? yeah well anywho, thanks for those comments guys. ohhh, the little thingy in the corner stopped moving and some other stuff's popped up..ooo!! it like changes when you press the different "identity"s. wow. amazing!! heyyy, there's a rooster/ chicken looking thing!! collapse comments? alrighty then.. can i press..? yeah well anyway, enougha that, i feel spesh :D and no, it's not too early to yearn for holidays. i neeeeed sleeeeep!! so yeah, going.
Kimo.
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